“If I were you, I would let him go. You’re better off finding someone who will adore and cherish you.” I read what Mandy wrote in her email to me again, keep repeating the same line, trying to get the message across. “What is the worst anyway? You will be single, you have been there before, and that wasn’t that bad, was it? It is ridiculous really, why it is such a big need we human have, to have someone to love and to feel liked and admired by others. You, for goodness, try to manage yourself and see yourself as “single woman” and seek a life that express that identity. Start by figuring out what is it that you love – truly love about yourself, then, my dearest, I have known you for years now; you will start to shine again.” Jane’s shooting voice is still ringing in my ears.
“Look. I still belief in what I have told you so many times before,” May cuts me in my mid-sentence while trying to pour my heart out again. “You can’t close yourself up, make friends, make new friends, go out, have fun, you can’t be putting all your eggs in one basket, date others, keep them around like an assortment of goodies, so to speak. A is good for when you need someone to go for a movie with. B is good for hunting for yummy foods at any new culinary delight corner of Jakarta. C is good for when you need that serious profound deep conversational partner. D is good for fixing your laptop. E is good for a bodyguard to attend weddings with and so on. You don’t have to be involved with a devotion of a heart and soul, have fun, keep it light. Do your weeding as you go along. If they decide to stay, throw them some bones, you yourself, do not have to decide on anything that you don’t want. If they come and go, you don’t actually care much, do you? I know you think that you love the guy, I know your one track mind, but being miserable and yet still think that you are in love and loved, is kind of nonsense, am I right?”
“You are strong,” May continues her paternalistic best friend lecture; I know she mean well, but she can drive me to slap her sometimes, not that I ever would do such a thing though, “I know you are. But since that Uni days of ours, you have changed and I am worry about you. You used to be so sure about yourself, why are you questioning everything now, why are you questioning YOU?”
“What a bastard!” grimaced Linda, 4 years younger than me, she is nothing like me in personality, but in anger, we are indeed showing the same family trait, “I feel like punching him on the face! Such a coward!” Angel, my other sister, she is 16 years younger than me, put her arm around my shoulder protectively, “Don’t worry too much, sis. Cry if you want. I got this!” pulling a brightly coloured candy stick from her huge cluttered bag and wave it around like a magic wand. I burst out laughing with tears still trickling down my cheek. Linda, uploaded to Facebook, captured the moment on mobile cam timely enough.
These are my support system, my circle of friends, mentors, and lifesavers. These people know me. These are the people that willing to share my life and I am theirs. I am thankful, for each and every one of them. These are the people that come and stay. In my life, they have never said, “Bye now, it’s time for us to say farewell.” With them, the road is never end. These are the people that never let go of my hand.